Thats right. We gone corporate ! Lead guitarist and recording empazario, TC Bonelocs has confirmed a deal with Parliment cigarrettes for a lifetime supply. There is no word whether Parliment will foot the bill for his or any of the other FELDMANS’ future first or second-hand cancer treatment.

In related news, Chris Heee will be launching his own line of clothing in 2009. Named, appropiately enough, “Heeee-wear” it will feature full page color ads in MaxiumRockNRoll with Chris modeling his signature Heeeee-man undergarments.

JP Slouch is rumored to be starring alongside Mandy Moore in the short film “Darth Maul Gets Married”. A heartwarming tale about a debauched lad from the suburbs marrying a Hollywood princess and the resistence and disbelief they receive from their peers.

Finally, Sydney Familiar will be running for mayor of Redwood City. His platform calls for the elmination of all shoe stores, the creation of new public parks wherever unoccupied business buildings stand and free ventriliquism class for everyone !

Note: 2 of these stories are true.